BrutallyViciousFemme

At night I dream excessively, in fact I know I dream more so than what is normal. I often wonder if these dreams are a foreboding of what is to come. Are these vivid images trying to tell me something, or warn me. Or is my subconscious throwing out random information and jumbling all my thoughts together in a colourful surreal little world I live through every night. One thing I can say for sure, when I dream of water or the ocean or crashing waves, an emotional time is on its way. Without a doubt, normally the very next day, there is a welling of emotions pulling at my heart. Normally my day ends in tears of sorts or anger and frustration.

Life! It's a strange little movie. Never knowing one day to the next. A feeling of such, uncertainty. I wonder what it must feel like to be so sure of ones self. To have fixed goals and know where you were going. A path, direction. So many thoughts fill my head, constantly. Always analysing and searching, a constant quest of the unknown. To have all the pieces nicely put together, that would be the ultimate prize. Maybe I imagine to much that everyone out there is blissfully at peace with themselves. Making life look so easy. This morbid little cloud that follows over head, if only I could shake it. If only the blue skies were clear, to l

I cut off all the golden locks. At least 20cm, I am sure, if not more. I feel free and light. Woke this morning, and decided to 'try' and change my attitude towards my own happiness. As the pieces of hair were falling off my shoulder to the ground I felt a new sense of liberation. I need to focus on the positive things more and stop obsessing about how sad and miserable I always seem to be. Waking up in the morning is going to be awesome without having to brush through the tangle of knots I have to put up with, the knots so symbolic of the struggle I have been going through with my worst enemy - myself!